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Notice: I am not politically correct (PC). I am an equal opportunity offender.
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[ Vive la France! ]Where is The Great Leader of the Chinese Communist Revolution buried? In a Maosoleum (Edifice erected in memory of a beloved rodent? a Mousoleum). Which early Christian theologian underwent colon surgery? John Chrysostomy. Patriotic British cigarettes? Sir Winstons. Patriotic French cigarettes? Gauloises. Dental problem endemic among politicians? Truth decay. City of fallen luminaries? Lost Angeles.
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Evil Iraqi leader whose cities were destroyed by God? Sodom Hussein. Theocratic ruler of Libya? Mullahmar Khadaffi. Moderate Islamists' version of Holy War? Jihad Lite. Fatwa, American style? "Wanted: Dead or Alive". What did Smokey the Bear tell Saddam Hussein? "Remember: Only you can prevent oil well fires!"
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What did the CIA employee name his marmalade color cat? Agent Orange. Elementary school subject for cats? Kitty litteracy. Special properties pertaining to felids? Cattributes.
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Chevrolet automobile you can buy with sweat equity? The Corvée. Book written by Hummer owner after gas prices went over $3 per gallon? "God is my copilotdrop tank." Boeing long-range commercial jetliner (7E7) that failed to sell? Dreamflatliner. Newspaper article about a satellite (aka Sputnik...) burning up in the earth's atmosphere? An orbituary.
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Psychologists' exclamation upon finding lab rat has genius I.Q.? "Amazing!" What did the regulatory agency do when they discovered a certain model swivel chair's legs had a tendency to break, rendering the chair unstable and placing the occupant at risk of falling off [See documentary photo]? They issued a chairworthiness directive. How did the J.R.R.Tolkein addict cure themself of their obsession? They kicked the hobbit! Antarctic humorists? Punguins. Human infants scattered everywhere? The diapera. To what legal action is a small child riding in an automobile subject? Incarseateration.
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[ Go to Starbucks! ]Crocodilians that never lose their way? Navigators. Theory of scientific management (industrial sociology) that deploys computerization to adapt routinized job tasks to individual differences? Tailorism. For what did the overworked Starbuck's employee give thanks? "At least I don't work for Ahab's!" Dennis Kozlowski is a [what -- besides being a felon?]? A tycoon.
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Most boring post-season college football game? The Siesta Bowl (Fixed post-season college football game that got exposed? The Fiasco Bowl). NBC TV series where police detectives track down gas guzzlers? Law & Order: SUV. Extra large SUV made by General Motors for the Russian market? the GMC Yukos. Unscrupulous physicians' code or conduct? The Hippocritic Oath. Branch of mathematics taught in dental school? Calculus[fn.70[ Go to footnote! ]]. Dictionary of Internet terminology? Webster's.
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Fancy chocolate for 18th century French aristocrats? Rococoa. Some "straight" ancient Greeks? hetærasexuals. Otherwise distracted mathematician's take on Batman and Robin? "What's the big deal about a 'dyadic duo'?" Play about an artist who fails to raise his girlfriend above the poverty line (based on a Greek myth)? "Orpheus in the Underclass". Gourmand Knight of the Round Table? Sir Lunchalot. Embattled rhetoricians' bumper sticker? "Support our tropes".
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What did the "spoil sport"[fn.101[ Go to footnote! ]] say that dampened the spirits of the man who was happily singing in the rain? "You're all wet." How do antiperspirants frustrate upward mobility for working men and women? They prevent the formation of sweat equity. Commercial television comedy series for teenagers? Zitcoms. Word game for dysfunctional families? Squabble.
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Probably for watch afficionados only? What's wrong with watch designers who come up with bizarre watch designs? They have: Mad Cal. disease (See example of moonphase that gives the earth an extra, antipodal moon, below[ See watch that gives the earth extra antipodal moon! ]). Vintage Japanese watches? Senior Citizens. Wristwatch of choice for Bush administration Neocons? Rolex Perlemaster. "Tool" watch for society ladies? Rolex Pearlmaster. For computer people: New Adobe Systems product for counterfeiters and other entrepreneurs? FrameMoneyMaker. Swedish city noted for clumsy programmers? Oopsala. Grade earned by Bjarne Stroustrup, in Computer Language Design course? C++. Winner of the 2004 Academy Award (aka Oscar) for best Microsoft Office font? Lord of the Wingdings. Free ("Open source") software advocate's December 31 greeting? Happy Gnu Year! For philosophers: Enlightened classical Greek philosopher? Zeno of Elea. Literary theorist who inspired Heidegger's term for inauthentic life? Paul das Man.
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Entomological hazard faced by explorers of earth's moon? Lunaticks. Explorers of earth's moon also risk getting what neurological disorder? Lunatics. What get rich quick scam was favored by Egyptian Pharoahs? Pyramid schemes. Ancient Egyptian spice merchant who became Pharoah? Tutancumin.
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[ How should we respond to Global Terorism? ]Where's Waldo Osama? [Question asked 21 November 2017 08:10:50 GMT = 911 + 5,914 days 19h 24m 50s!  [ Update: U.S. forces finally captured and killed bin Laden, in Pakistan, on 1 May 2011 ] ] Oh, yes -- And where is Saddam Hussein?[fn.78[ Go to footnote! ]] (U.S. forces captured Saddam Hussein on 13 December 2003.) What game does one play with the official U.S. Department of Defense "Most wanted Iraqis" playing card deck? Gin Rummy. Postmodern sculptor's prognostication? Qué Serrá, Serrá.
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Inventor of the unanswered telephone? Alexander Graham Dialtone[fn.91[ Go to footnote! ]]. Author of Book of Riddles?
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http://www.users.cloud9.net/~bradmcc/morePuns.html
Copyright © 2002-2008, Brad McCormick, Ed.D.
13 Jan 2008, v02.06
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[ In garlic we trust! Eat more garlic! ] [ ] [ What does this fish mean? Check it out! ]
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Just So Story: How George W Bush came to be taken off to the lunatic asylum
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One day Laura Bush found her husband intently scooping the cat litter box. Since staff always did the menial jobs at The White House, The First Lady was puzzled. "Why are you cleaning the litter box, George?", she asked. The President replied: "I'm looking for Osama bin Laden Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction." [More[ Read more about this story! ]]
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Why did the Egyptian Pharoahs build the Great Pyramids at Giza?
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For defense against potential attack by Saddam Hussein with [cuneiform] WMDs (Weapons of Mass Destruction).
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How did Moby Dick and Captain Ahab come to be allies and join forces?
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When the crew of the Pequod went on strike for higher wages and better working conditions.
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How to prevent haste from making waste?
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When the boss of a person whose raises were always late in coming had a heart attack and pleaded for the employee to dial 911 ASAP.... The employee reassuringly replied: "I'm doing it as fast as I can!"
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More Just So Stories[ Go to Just So Stories! ]
[ Study French middle-class 21st century folkways! ]
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[ Study American middle-class 21st century folkways! ]
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[ ] [ Why does everybody like cellphones? ] [ ] [ Where is AOL man going to? ]
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[ ??? ]
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s i l  t
odo r
als o
ree d
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c a n  e
obe y
alo e
ten d
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h o l  e
avi d
ren d
pre y
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[ U.S. captures Saddam Hussein, 13Dec03 ]
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