The phone rang. It was Police Chief Kram. He sounded scared. The feds were in town. Poking their noses into just who owned which bar in Slaugerton's entertainment district. Where HUD had pimped the strip of clip joints and beer barns till it glittered like a gangsta grill.

Slotsky let fly with a few thousand expletives as he pulled on his pants and tried to zip up his fly. The zipper was missing teeth. One thing Slotsky hated about being a zombie was having to wear the clothes he was croaked in. The other was the conspiracy by the living to rob zombies of political power.

Bob Slotsky was Slaugerton's first zombie mayor. He figured if the feds were focusing on Slaugerton now, this had to be the reason. After all, it was former Mayor Terry McConn, not Slotsky, who'd revitalized the city's night life by funneling federal funds into the hidden hands of Sal "Coochi-Coo" Adobo and his mob pals. All Slotsky was doing was keeping the funds flowing. Sure he had big plans to build a gambling casino and convention center adjoining the entertainment district, but they were just that-- plans. Though the real estate deal was already crony cut, the democratic pony show was grinding along. Until taxpayers coughed up their "investment" of state bonded debt, pay-to-players couldn't really belly up to the bar.

Slotsky had taken office via a special election after Mayor McConn mysteriously disappeared. Since it was summer, a lot of voters were out of town. Absentee ballots were counted by Slotsky supporters, ringers watered down the already piss poor reform vote, and Slaugerton County Exec Frank Tusk threw his weight behind Slotsky. But Slotsky didn't really need an edge. He had the support of Slaugerton's dead. Who never take vacations and on election day, vote early and often. With one of their own running, they turned out in droves. The rumor Slotsky had something to do with McConn's disappearance only amped his appeal. It was well known in the cemetery hood that McConn and local development lovely Lara Tremor had murdered Slotsky earlier in the year. His return as vengeful zombie made him a hero; a symbol of rising up angry. That Slotsky was popped because McConn and Tremor discovered he was wearing a wire mattered not a whit. Like the saying goes-- what happens on the other side, stays on the other side.

After Slotsky finished struggling into his tattered togs he headed for city hall. Chief Kram was waiting in his office. Jock Kram was tall and cadaverous. A holdover from the McConn administration. Wags said Slotsky kept Kram on because of his appearance.

"%$#&*#@&% Jock" said Slotsky

"%$#&*#@&% Bob" said Kram

Slotsky broke out a bottle and two glasses and lined up some toots on his desk. After a few gulps and snorts the world started looking like an oyster stamped property of Slotsky & Kram. And the feds? It was just their typical crap. It wouldn't go anywhere. Bring it on.

Mayor Slotsky lit a Turbano. Fetid smoke filled the room.

Chief Kram coughed and keeled over.

Slotsky pressed a buzzer on his desk.

"Take this stiff outta here and burn it" he told the two burly zombies who answered.

After they'd gone Slotsky tossed the late Chief Kram's glass, with the last dregs of poison in it, out the window. It shattered on the sidewalk, narrowly missing an old lady in a wheelchair. She looked up and shook her fist at Mayor Slotsky.

"You can't fight city hall!" he sang out and slammed the window shut.

Chuckling, he sat back down at his desk and took a deep drag on his stogie. He began planning the announcement he'd make re the job bump up of Assistant Police Chief Sean McGargle. A zombie from Garden of the Angels who'd proved his loyalty in the special election by mangling the chads of Slotsky's opponents. Slotsky hoped to have all the top slots in city government filled by zombies within a few months. His ultimate plan was to be the first zombie governor of New Jorksacutt. After that...?

His dreams of glory were interrupted by his secretary. Who announced over the intercom that two federal agents were in the outer office and wanted to talk with the mayor. Slotsky brushed the last bit of blow off the desk and ground out his stogie. Send them right in he said in his best, hearty, public servant manner.

Annoyingly, the zipper of his fly chose that moment to give way completely.

To be continued....

Carola Von Hoffmannstahl-Solomonoff

"Though our endorsement of mayoral candidate Robert R. Slotsky was qualified by concerns over his occasionally demagogic statements to the dead community and certain aspects of his record as a political consultant, the Slaugerton Herald-Union believes the best man has won. Mayor Slotsky's commitment to the continued rebirth of Slaugerton is unquestionable. By embracing the revitalizing vision of his predecessor, Mayor Terrence A. McConn, Mayor Slotsky has made it clear his administration will represent the entire community of Slaugerton. As for Mayor Slotsky's past record, Slaugerton must move ahead into the future. Where all of us, including the dead, are going to live."

Bix Blanc, editor, Slaugerton Herald-Union, Summer 2005

Episodes of Revitalization, My Lovely

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