Bulging Thighs
Sung to "Lying Eyes""


Skinny girls just seem to find out early
How to fit through doors and between aisles
She's fat, oh man, and she is only thirty
She'll pull up to her plate and eat awhile
It's late at night the pizzeria's closing
She get's in her car and head's out towards the dough
She arrives in time and gives the man her order
Give me three large pies and make them all to go
In the morning she will realize the carnage
Another inch is added on to you
She gets so that hunger overtakes her
To Mrs. Fields, two dozen ought to do

You can't hide your bulging thighs
And your butt is twice it's size
Jack LaLanne would hide his eyes
There ain't no way to hide your bulging thighs

On the VCR Fonda does her workout
With legs so lean she knows this just can't fail
She tries her luck and gets into her sweatsuit
On the bedroom floor she looks like a beached whale
She puffing now as tears consume her eyeballs
As her cheeks swell up and turn a rosy red
It's then she says that she'll sleep until it's dinner
But it's too bad last night she broke the bed

You can't hide your bulging thighs
And your butt is twice it's size
Jack LaLanne would hide his eyes
There ain't no way to hide your bulging thighs

Seruchi jeans could never do her justice
And Calvin Klein would turn his head in shame
Designer jeans will never fill her wardrobe
Getting into them will cause her too much pain
She stretches almost every ounce of muscle
She'll bend and stretch and wind up on her back
The workout's done and she can't fight temptation
It comes again her fourth Big Mac attack
My oh my she sure knows how to consume things
She'll eat it, oh well, it could be me
It ain't funny how she grew, I did the same thing
But now she's twice the size she used to be

You can't hide your bulging thighs
And your butt is twice it's size
Jack LaLanne would hide his eyes
There ain't no way to hide your bulging thighs
There ain't no way to hide your bulging thighs
Honey you can't hide your bulging thighs

Copyright © 1985, 1996 by C.Hammett