Dateline:  7/20/97

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Every moment of misery is different, and every set of circumstances in which partners find themselves confronting their partners is different.  This makes it hard to be prepared for these moments when they do occur.  Yet these moments of misery are bound to happen, since everyone doesn't perform up to their full potential 100% of the time, and conflicts arise for any number of reasons.

Some general guidelines might help a managing partner or a concerned peer turn the miserable moments and conflicts around.  

• First, deal with the person, and then deal with the problem.  Angry people need to vent their wrath.  Once that is done, they will be willing to let you help to resolve the problem.  
• Secondly, when any problem occurs, listen actively.  Ask questions and mentally trade places with the party you are talking to.  What do you think is behind what is happening on the surface?  Follow your intuition.
• Thirdly, show empathy.  Express how you would feel in similar circumstances.  Acknowledge an injustice, if you see one has been done.
• Fourthly, offer to help find a solution, but don't resolve the problem yourself.  Ask questions that will get each party involved in discussing options and possibilities.  Find out what it would take to make the problem go away for each of them, offer suggestions that will enable that to happen.
• Finally, follow up.  Check back with all parties a few days and then again a few weeks after the incident.  Be sure that everyone has followed through on what they were expected to do and that everything is satisfactory from each person's point of view.

Most difficult people fear change.  They rely on consistency and predictability and repetition for their security.  If that security is threatened by new rules, new expectations, challenges for which they feel unprepared or inadequate, then they will react with hostility, turf protection and withdrawal. They feel their power is diminished and sometimes feel like everything they have worked for and invested their time to build is slipping away.

Coworkers who fear change may appear surly, aggressive, snappish, belligerent, manipulative, rude, condescending, patronizing, moody, withdrawn, anxious or skeptical.  They may develop health problems, such a high blood pressure or heart irregularities, or begin to overeat and gain weight.  Their behavior may alienate clients, make them suddenly unpredictable, cause over managing of younger staff, demonstrate lack of trust or a sudden interest in executing normal activities ``by the book".

If there is no one in your office who can negotiate a skillful win-win solution with a difficult partner, it's not necessary to ease them out of the firm.  There are behavioral change consultants who specialize in executive ``turnarounds".  These consultants work one on one, usually for two to three days spread over a couple of weeks, and help the troubled individuals to realize their impact on coworkers and the ways their behavior is perceived by others.  Most people don't realize just how others perceive them. While such consultants are expensive, they can typically save the firm a valuable and experienced partner. 

If you need more information about behavioral change consultants, drop me a note and I'll be glad to refer you to some.  And in the meantime, remember this quote from Pooh's Little Instruction Book: ``Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo."  Have a good week.

Next week's feature:  Marketing Time Wasters and Marketing Essentials

The Enemy Within:  Protecting Your Assets From Your Partners
Few business people plan to fight with their partners, but it can happen.  Here are some suggestions to help in case the unthought-of becomes a reality.

10 Easy Ways to Beat Procrastination
Written as a self-help, but easy to apply the principles to partners who only think they work best ``under pressure".

Pitfalls in Paternalism
Paternalism is on the rise in smaller and mid-sized organizations.  If you have partners who act ``fatherly" to others without giving them responsibility, you may discover you need to know what constitutes a verbal contract.

Learn to Play the Power Game
Many conflicts are about power and control.  Power is about position in the hierarchy.  These reminders will help you put things in perspective.

Are the Job Requirements Changing for CPA Partners?
Identifying the important criteria and then evaluating prospects against them will help you make good choices for the future.

Don't Let Your Guard Down When Admitting New Law Partners Now
Criteria for selecting new partners have changed.  Hold the line to avoid being trapped in a ``bad marriage".

How One Firm Restructured Itself to Fully Benefit From Each Partner's Personality
What a novel idea! Elements of this approach may be relevant to your firm.

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Copyright 1997 by Kaye Vivian (kvivian@cloud9.net).  All rights reserved.  Permission to reprint is granted provided this article is not altered and the copyright notice remains attached